There’s been a strong energy surrounding me for the last few weeks (and it’s not Hennessy’s black magic), it’s been passing by here and there in my life before too, but not in the same way it has recently. The energy’s been helping me connect certain points about my life, establishing their relationships, and defining what they truly meant to me. Points like friends, family, music, actions, and influences.
I feel the energy steer me into the directions I should take, more and more each day. It seems like it’s the people I’m around that’s brought this energy into the forefront of my recent memories, more-so their lack of doubt, which has seemingly been the root of their successes and travels.
A social difference I always saw, especially growing up in the lower-classes of Auckland, was that wealthier people always thought they were safe, that no matter what happened, they were going to be fine. Even if they were hit by a huge unpredictable bill that’d hurt their finances, they didn’t despair, because they knew the money would return to them. It always did too. They could crash cars, lose phones, get fired or be unemployed for months, but it wouldn’t phase them as much as it would’ve phased me. It seemed as though somehow this attitude is kept them cool and confident, and so naturally, they’d pick up the pieces much better than the poorer would.
It’s like the wealthier are psychologically conditioned to be optimistic, and of course, that optimism always becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The people in my life don’t have financial advantages like the wealthier do, instead they have strong relationships and understandings about who they are as an individual and collective. Those two elements about them seem to strengthen their mentalities rather than weaken it, or discourage them from putting effort into their crafts.
I guess I was always slightly pessimistic, I don’t know if it’s something to do with my personality-type or if it was just upbringing that made me this way, but I always saw the negatives of a situation to sort-of keep me grounded into reality, and stop myself from making brash decisions. There are, however, times where I do take risks but it’s never seemed to be on my own terms, I tended to need a “catalyst” to sort-of inspire me to take that leap of faith.
The energy surrounding me feels as though it’s trying to tell me to let go of that need for a catalyst. I feel like it’s suggesting a possible change of state-of-mind, maybe a possible change in social groups, or maybe a possible change in daily approaches.
Above everything else though, I just wanna thank this energy for helping me see through my recent hardships. The lonely nights, the lonely nights with friends. The nights I argued with myself, the nights I argued with my friends. The nights I lost myself, the nights I lost my friends. etc…
I guess I’m in a better space now but I really wish I could reflect about these times with some of my closest friends, not just for the sake of it, but to also give our friendship a sense of validation too. It’s so easy for people to follow each other on Instagram or add each other on Facebook, but it’s so much harder for me, personally, to create such a strong connection with someone in real life.
I’ve had one-night stands before, but it just feels so so shallow for me, even if it’s mutually understood as “just for fun” between the other person and I. I’ve tried “appreciating” it as something more significant, but at the end of the day, it’s just sex. It’s just meaningless sex, at that. I could talk about how I feel about it some more, but I’ll probably call up Charlotte or Grace this week and ignore what I’ve said. Although, I still concur: there’s just no emotional relation for me to appreciate one-night stands as something it’s really not.
This year is going by more and more rapidly it seems. Sometimes I can’t believe some stuff even happened earlier this year, some of it feels like lifetimes ago, like watching Tame Impala play in Laneway Festival, or Terry and I chipping in halves for a pack of smokes outside the library.
Let your ambitions carry you, your intuitions will follow. No reason to be sad too, summer will be there in enough time for sure. I’ve loved this year so far anyways.